hi people!
Er.. guess where am I now?
I'm now in the car, on the way heading back to my lovely hometown.
(Iam typing it out now)
Awww.. I miss home badly, finally I can go home.
I have not back in town for ages..
hmm.. actually nope, the last time back in kt, lied down on the bed was just 2 weeks ago.
I have the feeling that I've not been home for super duper long maybe becoz some shits happened, made the homesick feelings 'thicken' and I needed home...
yea, you did not MISREAD.
wondering wat shits happened in my life? sounds so serious.
At the beginning, I thought of hiding 'the happen', by staying away from the crowd.
I do not noe how to face people around.
I do not noe how to answer.
I am just Lost With No Direction,
lost in words.
At this moment,
I have changed my mind.
I decided to share this story of failure.
because I know running/hiding job is gonna be Tiring.
and,
only coward does this,
Wendy is not a coward,
she is a strong girl.
she is tough,
she has decided to face the Reality.
I tell myself :
'' c'mmon, failure so what, its not the end of the world, rite!"okay, so are you ready to lend me your ears, to be there for me?
I will truly appreciate if you do so.
(it gonna be a long lengthy post, hmm .. where shall I start from? )I always thought, I am a lucky girl, My life is beautiful.
From the days I live from birth,
my parents give me the best ever things they could,
basically, neither 'pain' nor 'xin ku' I could define well.
I never struggle really hard to get any single things, YES NEVER!
I got what I want.
sounds spoiled rite?
no denial, I am wert. well-pampered kid is just like that.
of course, not only my family,
but also my friends who make up my wonderful life.
so far,
I met friends who I can feel they are real, being nice to me.
I got bunch of really great friends.
They rock my life, simply Awesome. well said!
All this while,
the static of my life : ups > downs.
and..
life isn't great all the time,
now I know!
'Fortune brings in some boats which are not steered' by williamshakespear
here I am, obstacles exist, and it's a challenge for me!
everything started from...
The day I collected my Eos4 results.
It stated in the slip that I've failed my Pharmacy Practice 4. I got 40+ and not able to meet the requirement to pass above 50.
Few things were totally out of my expectation.
first, I knew that I screwed calculation part, but to be frankly, I never expect to fail this.
second, I was pretty calm to face it, for those who noe me well, you should expect to see me crying badly right on the spot.
Then, I got home to prepare for the resit paper which was 4 days later.
I got a very wrong mind set : 4 days just more than enough to prepare for a paper.
I did stress up, but my stress level is not to the maximum as others had.
I study with a calm mind.
I would say: for the 4 days, I've had gone through the most awful days in these 2 years if to be compared to the normal 'last minute study'. Becoz, usually. I SLACK alot!
After 4 days, done with my Resit paper.
and this time, AGAIN. I screwed up my calculation part.
Calcu part is actually a Bonus to gain marks and now I screwed it. i got only 1 correct out of 3 calcu questions. wtf.
which means my another 2 essay part, I have to do pretty well.
a bit risky, I might Fail.
results will be released 4 days later.
during these 4 days, I try not to think abt it.
cos I noe if I fail aso, just short of 1/2 marks, and I got convinced that: 'don worry la, if you tak cukup 1/2 marks, they wil also let u pass one'
they said : 'they wont be cruel, wont fail ppl just bcos of 1/2 marks!'
how naive.
btw, these 4 days..
i think : if I pass, means I have to go apply visa all these, den 5 more days have to leave m'siA. damn sedih. can I don go that soon. everything is just nice if I am Mp student. can fly 9 momths later. or perhaps it would be good if I am Bpharm student. I do not need to leave m'sia forever.
I really love M'sia alot. I have almost Everything here. I dont like any change.Im really reluctant to leave. I don't even want to leave, i mean that soon!
sounds immature, i know.
Results out 1 day earlier .
and I got a bad feeling I will fail.
so I did cry on the way from airport to uni.
yes,
when I got my result slip : I was like, WAT.. really short of 1 mark wo!
HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME.
Prof Peter (the dean of pharmacy) and Mr. David talked to me.
and our conversation supposed to be private and confidential.
this is my blog, I have my right to write diary.
1st thing, prof. peter ask: so explain to me why u failed!'
me : ' I do not know why I failed. maybe I screwed up calcu part.'
mr. david : 'Ya, u got all wrong in calculation.'
me : 'wat wat. sorry again? I got all wrong?!!!! no. I got one correct. the 2nd question;~"
mr.david : ' You really got all wrong.'
me : No. that's impossible. what is the answer for question 2(calcu)
mr.david : wendy, it's not the time to ask this now.
me *innocentlook* : If you want to fail me, cAN at least let me see my answer sheet, pls?.
and get me satisfied why I got all wrong in calcu part. I am pretty sure no.2 I got it correct, and if I am correct in that question, I can pass.
mr.david : sorry, the answer sheet canot be revealed. but what I can tell you is, your another 2 essay questions, you did pretty well. others all gain mark in calcu part, but poor thing is you got ZERO there.
suddenly, I feel myself DIFITNAH. calcu part, each question carries 4 marks, well.. if I am not able to get full 4 marks. but at least can score 1 mark can bah cos my final answer is CORRECT! and that 1 mark can determine If i fail/pass this paper.
I really BU GAN XIN.
I really cannot believe that,
cannot believe when I was told I wrong all calcu question,scored ZERO for that part,
I shud have got 1 correct, at least got 1 mark.
cannot believe I failed just because I short of 1 mark!
GAWD!!!!
that moment, I know no point arguing with them.
They just don't believe me.
fine.
I ask : what should I do now.
here comes,
the Options I have!
I was offered 4 options.
skip the first and second options, basically they are rubbish!
Prof. Peter : 'Option 3, you are allowed to FLY to glasgow. But, it's sort of conditional offer. You can take all MPHARM subjects, but you have to take another 2 subjects for Pharmaceutical Science. They will evaluate your performance over there. If your results for Pharmacy course not bad, means >60 , you can appeal not to take the 2 extra subjects again. you will be free from Pharma.Science course. But if, your results for Mpharm not good, you need to stay in this pharma.science course.
so wendy, You want to gamble??? but the bear the option at your own risk!
me : what about another option? the last option.
Prof Peter : 'Uk don't offer you this option. This option is the add-on after our discussion.'
me remained silent. don't really get him.
Prof Peter: ' You should thanks god because you never failed any papers for the previous Sems. so this option is valid.' . so, if you happen to fail any papers for previous sems, this means you have only 3 options. not 4 options!'
Me ( trying to interrupt) : so option 4 is ... stay with juniors? retake this sem?
Prof. Peter : (evilgrin) well. yea. here to correct you, is retake P.Practice for sem4 only. in other way of saying, resit this paper only. and full examination, coursework marks not counted.
at the very end of conversaTion,
" so options are in your hand. think about it wisely. gamble or go for more granted way, you decide!''
Have you ever read the form 5 literature poem" The Road Not Taken"I placed myself in this situation:
"Two roads diverge in a yellow wood" signifies a choice which we have to take in life.
Now, in my hand, I hold few options and only 1 option to be chosen!
the road less travelled by = option 3 (Fly there right straight, and struggle hard over there)
the more travelled road = option 4 ( take a long break, more secure.)
We will never ever know what happens in the other path. the roads are both equal,
I cant see ahead into the future.
Dear readers, I did not end up making same decision as the author.
I have made up my mind ,
to go for option 4 - To stay first.
The next day,
I went uni to give my answer.
He was like : huh. option 3 is indeed a great offer. You sure you don't want go for option 3?
Me : Ya. I have decided, go for the option which is the best for me, and it's option 4!
He : well, I respect your decision.
Me : so, Can i join my friends for sem5?
he : why not? it's good to strengthen your understanding for sem5, so when you go over. everything will be much easier for you.. it's only IF YOU CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE, PARTY LESS,and TRY TO BE A GOOD STUDENT.
oh ya.
Prof Peter told my dad that : he judge me from the way i talk and my appearance: I am a bit arrogant, and dai xiu che. Do I???????// :X
well,
it comes to the end of this post!
I personally think that this failure is a big tamparan for me,
I tell myself : no matter how it aches my heart, how changes it's gonna be, I need to stand up immediately.
This failure is a hint/ wake up call for me,
it's time to wake up,
and becos of this failure, I have found the direction, what I want actually,
Aims and goals to be achieved.
I tell myself: I can do it.This time,
I had made a mistake terribly, beyond my words to describe how much I hate myself.
But I was told :
"If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. Failure is not the falling down, but the staying down."
and this,
Failure doesn't mean you are a failure...it just means you haven't succeeded yet.
Now,
I just don't want to care ' why I was told I score ZERO for calcu part'
I can't do anything rite.
I believe,
Everything happens for a reason.
for now, I might think 'why 1 mark made a big difference, why it changes my life', WHY ME!
maybe sooner, I will realise tht 1 mark is actually my life saviour. who noes?
I have messed up my life for this time, no more next time pls!can my life still remain beautiful?
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
so to myself,
That's all abt life, Life is life, fight or flight, you decide!
I choose to FIGHT.#1.to those who show your concerns and loves when I needed them the most, thankiuuu...
thanks for being with me, walking down the darkest path with me, did not give up on me when me myself lost and gave up... I am lucky to have you guys...You know who you are :D
(but iam still waiting for few to gimme their support..they didnt show up, iam sad!)
#2. to my family, the base, thanks for being understanding and guiding me. I did not get scolded, and was asked : 'any place in mind to go for vacation?' .. sigh. daddy and mummy's gal bah.. I can stay 1 more year with you guys, maybe this is a happy ending?
#3. to those who want to look down on me, you may do so and just laugh your ass out over me.
I do not care. but I warn you, Wendy chua is not weak gal you can bully, if you are being rude to me or wat, watch out. Shut your blarrrdy mouth up, I do not need you as friend.Shoo!
#4. to mylove, nana, yz, wh and kh, sorry, i cant make it for option 3. I don't want a stressful life over der. I am a lazybum. I will miss you guys the MOST... dui bu qi.....*tears*
#5. to crystal, grace, whit and tracy, aww... I've missed the golden chance to be your housemate and spend good times v you guys.. i noe it's gonna be fun....but since i've made up my mind to stay, i just lost the chance...how sad... but it's a good thing actually, cos I am a bad influence friend who thinks of shopping/hanging out all the time :P)
#6. to juniors, I noe my existence would be pretty weird for you guys. I don't expect all of you to like me, but at least don't hate me right straight before knowing me well. it's hurtful.
#7. to myself, WAKE UP. it's time to move on.
'Failure is the key to Success!"
you may leave comments if you want to, but don spam my chatbox pls!
Tadaaa!!!
